Supporting Someone

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Setting firm, clear boundaries with someone is crucial for everyone's mental health. Assuring that you're advocating yourself and taking care of yourself above all else is one of the best ways to help support another person. How can you pour from an empty cup? These boundaries will help in keeping your cup filled. Also, be sure to remind yourself that while you can help the other person, only they can make decisions for themselves at the end of the day. 

Finding local support groups, or even virtual groups, tailored to your specific situation can be extremely helpful for someone supporting another person going through their own challenges. Support groups can be a great way to express yourself and talk about what's going on, while also reminding you that you're not alone in supporting a loved one.

Sometimes, we listen to people, but we don't really hear what the other person is saying. Acknowledging the other person and the message that they're trying to convey is sometimes more important than offering your advice or perspective. Actively listen, ask questions, and respect set boundaries. 

If you're supporting someone who begins to say things that are more concerning (such as wishes to disappear, die, intent/plan to harm oneself or another, etc.), REPORT this! At the end of the day, you really don't know how serious one's intentions are, and it's much better to have someone be mad at you than them hurting themselves. For the USA national crisis hotline, call 988. If there is a serious, immediate emergency, call 911. For more acute, less threatening situations, look into your local mental health response teams to have them come and assess the situation. When in doubt, report it! You might be saving someone's life. 

While phrases like, "just pray about it," or "there's nothing to be depressed about," or "you can't think that way," might not seem like something that is unhelpful, they can feel extremely invalidating for those going through mental health struggles. Validating someone's feelings doesn't mean you have to accept their point of view or accept certain behaviors, it just shows the other person that they are heard and you recognize their feelings. You never truly know what someone else is going through, and statements such as these can make a person feel even more misunderstood and worse about their struggles. Instead, use phrases such as, "I hear you," or "that sounds really difficult," or even ask "what can I do to support you right now?"

For individuals who are really struggling, refer them to professional help. While you might be a great support, having a team of mental health providers added to your support will help all parties. Getting professional help doesn't need to happen when you or your loved one is in a crisis, it can be the start of navigating new struggles. By having a team, this will provide professional insight to navigating struggles and even connection to resources that you might not have known about. Having a professional intervene doesn't mean that you've done a bad job of supporting someone; it means that you don't have to carry everything alone, you don't have to have all of the answers, and that you really do care for their wellbeing enough to recognize the need for further help.